Well its now 2:26am August 28, 2014. I writting this letter because I have a lot on my mind. I can't take the fact the harder I try the more it seem I haven't tried enough. My goals are my first priorities but something is DEFINITELY wrong with me. I just feel my life is tragic, I dnt feel loved and those who claim to love me I'm not so sure about. I spend countless hours at night mostly stressing feeling like given up. Ima HART so I feel like I will be really lowering my stock by doing so. Suicide has cross my mind plenty of times especially since I calapsed Monday August 25. Battle demons within, there is a dark cloud over me these days. I make no excuses for this because its all my fault my body and health has taken a tremendous blow. I focus more on my goals and success and my celebrity then anything. I will admit I'm use to winning some how it has came pretty natural to me. Dealing with adversity has always stress me out. I really feel orphaned because my isn't as close to me as there are with others yet I smile and take it in with stride. Friends has envy my ability to WIN which has hurt me a bit because these are people, whom I thought would always be apart of my life. I also feel I fucked up a lot of great female relationships either working like a slave or allowing other females to rail road my situation. I just want feel like a failure from all angles. I have travel coast to coast, north to south speaking, motivating, and trying my damnest to be the best me as possible. I feel the weight on me now is more than I can bare. I'm trying not to lost myself to self destruct but it seem that's where I'm head. I'm never content. People just dnt understand the vision that I have and image that I wish to project with that vision. R.I.P to my mother however mom I believe I will be joining you soon.
In closing will like to thank the people who has motivated me in some way, fashion, or form. I really have a problem with not on trying to become respect business but with celebrity at the same time. Don't ask me why I have an obsession with celebrity I just do and don't know why. I just feel I'm suppose to be celebrated and helping people reach their goals to.
Here is a list of people I admire and want to I do.
BRET HITMAN HART, I just want you to know you impact my life more than you probably know. Through you I started to believe in me and my ability to be better than anyone else.
DON LAPRE, R.I.P I know you no longer with us here in flesh but I will never forget what you told me. I appreciate what you taught me.
GURBAKSH CHAHAL After reading your book I so how feel I know more than I do because we battle some of the same things. We very close in age so I so how think that I can produce a simular result in my industry as you do with tech.
MICHAEL JACKSON I miss you dearly and never forgot what you and Don Barden told me back in the day. That will forever stay embeded in head and heart.
These are people whom I have great respect fot and had the most impact on me throughout my entire life from then to now.
NOW this open letter would not be approved unless I mention the women in my life here on earth whom I believe really care and love me unconditionally an always been in my best intrest.
You ladies have had the most profound affect on my life then you all know. I love you anf greatful for what I learned being with you all. Just know when I die and they shevel dirt in my face just know y'all meant the most to me. I apologies if you ladies felt I ever wrong you in any way. May god bless you all in many ways just know I love you all.
INSH ALLAH HABIBI